2008 And It's Beginning

With 2007 in the past I was looking forward to a more exciting 2008, with not so much loss or pain. And for a bit all seemed to be doing well, until just today, well officially yesterday my grandmother, my lola, my grandma had a heart attack, that put her in an altered state, one in which she can only move here eyes and her mouth somewhat. With a tube down her throat to help her breathe. All seemed well until this evening when my uncle, my tito, had called the house to let us know the news. The possibility of death looming, and we should come see her tonight to make sure to see her if all goes bad, and she passes in the night. Once the news was clear we debated on who would go, as we have so many pets someone needed to stay here to watch them, well at least the kitten. She is a sweet kitten surely, but she also tends to get in to alot of trouble. After some decisions being made the consensus was that my sister would watch them while the rest of the family and I would go for the two hour ride to go and see my grandmother. To just see if she was conscious enough to respond to any inquiry we may bring.

As some of you may know from experience when a grandparent is in Intensive Care you should be concerned. She is fortunate to be alive surely but the question is what type of existence will it be come tommorow, or next week? Or will it be an existence at all? In the simplest terms in that situation is a time when you should be most concerned particularly with one you love so dearly as your Grandmother. She has lived a full life certainly all of 84 years and survived dialysis as defined in regard to liver, it has been said few survive after the first 5 years of dialysis, my grandmother on the other hand has been dealing with it for 10 years now. It can be said honestly she is a strong women, stubborn as all hell in life and in living. I am proud to say that I gained part of that via my mother but that is another story. As a strong woman, a survivor my grandmother has been through so much and came out all the stronger each time, it is safe to say if only in part she is my inspiration on the Focus Forward Project I have been putting together. It was tough to see her as she was but good to know that she is a survivor, I just hope for all the best for her and the family that I call my own that she survives this up and coming year.

The saying goes though, Expect the worst but hope for the best, a simple quote but so true in such a situation as this, I can hold in my heart that she will come out all the stronger but also must be prepared for the inevitable end to a life fully lived that left an impression on me and my family. Short and sweet, how you can define this post but I would rather use that same view as I remember my grandmother, my lola, and just hope that January 2008 is not the end but the beginning, perhaps of a different type of journey who knows?

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Updated: 012508 - 15:08:30
The cat scan took place this morning and the results were less then hoped for, apparently my grandmother after the heart attack and/or stroke, she has lost most of her organs, her liver is not working, her lungs are not working, and there has been some memory loss. It is unclear whether she will ever recover, and even if she is resuscitated, she may not be fully able to function. As sad as it may be the steps are being taken in preparation for here funeral. The time is unclear as of yet, when the funeral will take place but most of the steps are already in motion. It hurts, and it is sad, though expected even if it was not the ideal circumstance. So begins 2008, hopefully it will get better from here.

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At exactly 1529 here in California my Grandmother passed away. May she rest in peace and in the freedom that being apart from the limitations of the human existence, in a better place where all is wonderful and perfect health. May she rest well as her memory will be forever recalled and the love for my Grandmother shall never die. Her memory will be strong in each of us who were so fortunate to be touched by her heart and her warmth. She will rest well and her memory forever vivid in my mind as well as in others. The inevitable, certainly death will find me also one day, I can only hope that I will be remembered as someone who cared so much as my Lola had been.

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